Royal Holiday Sucks

Royal Holiday Sucks: Introduction

What unfolds on this journal is a chronicle from January 2007 of an experience with Royal Holiday, a deceptive travel package company.

I'm proud to say I never became a customer of theirs; if so, I would inevitably have been one of hundreds to file complains with the Better Business Bureau, or perhaps one of the thousands who have never taken the time to do so.

Here's the gist: the experience I had with them was hardly too good to be true, but if you do think it really sounds too good, then rest assured it is.

Lastly, my encounter with them was in Cancun, though they're a global organization.

Travelers, beware.

And enjoy the story.

Top 29 Ways You Know Your Travel Company Sucks: 1

Here's the first edition of the Top 29 Ways You Know Your Travel Company Sucks regarding Royal Holiday.

Note these posts are meant to be read in chronological order.

1) You’re going to a sales pitch for a travel package.

Okay, so we had it coming. But it still seemed like a decent deal – a free ride to Cancun, a bottle of tequila, saving about $200 on a trip to Chichen Itza, free breakfast… so far, so good. We didn’t expect to be put down and demeaned once we got there though.

2nd Reason Why Your Travel Package Sucks

2) They’re out of tequila. In Mexico.

The cab driver came to pick us up at our hotel – so far so good – and someone from the travel company, Royal Holiday, paid the fare once we got there. That was the end of the positive experience we’d have with them. Once we got to the lobby for the travel company in the Hyatt in Cancun, we were informed they were out of tequila. When you later see the size of the deals they were selling, it’d have been well worth it to make their visitors happy. They couldn’t find any, perhaps in the hotel bar?

Top 29 Reasons Your Travel Package Sucks: #3

3) The sales guy is 22 Years Old.

His name’s Aaron (not “Erin,” he informed us, as if no one from the US has heard of his name before). Very friendly. My companion wanted to wash her hands as soon as she looked at him.

Why Royal Holiday Sucks: Part 4

4) The sales guy’s favorite movie: Boiler Room.

This is the movie where everyone does illegal stock trading and goes to jail. These are his role models, and because of this movie, he wants to work on Wall Street one day. No joke. He hadn’t yet seen Wall Street, but Gordon Gecko probably isn’t corrupt enough for him. If he ever does immigrate here, you’ll one day read about him in the footnotes to the next incarnation of Enron.

Royal Holiday Warning Sign Number 5

 5) The salesman wears a promise ring.

He said the ladies are really into that. Really. His girlfriend loves it.

Why Royal Holiday Sucks: Part 6

6) Every last comment of his relates to drinking.

Whenever he could, he’d bring up drinking references. He dreams of going to Michigan one day, so he can get drunk and go ice fishing. He also complains that Americans don’t drink enough. And most Americans he meets are there for Spring Break.

Royal Holiday Sucks: Part 7

7) We’re nearly disqualified for not owning a time share.

Over breakfast, the salesperson asked us what time share we owned. That was supposed to be one of the qualifications, but Israel, the ‘bringer’ in the airport, never asked us that.

Top Ways Your Travel Package Sucks: Number 8

8) The sales guy constantly refers to “little David” - my progeny-to-be.

Top Ways Your Travel Package Sucks: Number 9

 9) Anytime the salesperson says positive things, or asks us anything, or really says anything that doesn’t involve drinking, our children, or movies about insider trading, he makes lists.

That way we can see it all on paper. Wow.