Royal Holiday Sucks

2nd Reason Why Your Travel Package Sucks

2) They’re out of tequila. In Mexico.

The cab driver came to pick us up at our hotel – so far so good – and someone from the travel company, Royal Holiday, paid the fare once we got there. That was the end of the positive experience we’d have with them. Once we got to the lobby for the travel company in the Hyatt in Cancun, we were informed they were out of tequila. When you later see the size of the deals they were selling, it’d have been well worth it to make their visitors happy. They couldn’t find any, perhaps in the hotel bar?

Top 29 Reasons Your Travel Package Sucks: #3

3) The sales guy is 22 Years Old.

His name’s Aaron (not “Erin,” he informed us, as if no one from the US has heard of his name before). Very friendly. My companion wanted to wash her hands as soon as she looked at him.

Why Royal Holiday Sucks: Part 4

4) The sales guy’s favorite movie: Boiler Room.

This is the movie where everyone does illegal stock trading and goes to jail. These are his role models, and because of this movie, he wants to work on Wall Street one day. No joke. He hadn’t yet seen Wall Street, but Gordon Gecko probably isn’t corrupt enough for him. If he ever does immigrate here, you’ll one day read about him in the footnotes to the next incarnation of Enron.

Royal Holiday Warning Sign Number 5

 5) The salesman wears a promise ring.

He said the ladies are really into that. Really. His girlfriend loves it.

Why Royal Holiday Sucks: Part 6

6) Every last comment of his relates to drinking.

Whenever he could, he’d bring up drinking references. He dreams of going to Michigan one day, so he can get drunk and go ice fishing. He also complains that Americans don’t drink enough. And most Americans he meets are there for Spring Break.

Royal Holiday Sucks: Part 7

7) We’re nearly disqualified for not owning a time share.

Over breakfast, the salesperson asked us what time share we owned. That was supposed to be one of the qualifications, but Israel, the ‘bringer’ in the airport, never asked us that.

Top Ways Your Travel Package Sucks: Number 8

8) The sales guy constantly refers to “little David” - my progeny-to-be.

Top Ways Your Travel Package Sucks: Number 9

 9) Anytime the salesperson says positive things, or asks us anything, or really says anything that doesn’t involve drinking, our children, or movies about insider trading, he makes lists.

That way we can see it all on paper. Wow.

Reason Number 10 Your Travel Package Sucks

 10) As a courtesy to you, you have to decide to buy on the spot.

We still didn’t know what we were supposedly buying. But the Royal Holiday salesperson told us – and get ready for the twisted logic here – that as a courtesy, since they don’t want to bug us after that day with any future calls, we have to decide to buy immediately. When making this decision, we’re not allowed to see any fine print, outside reviews or ratings, or anything else that might be good to know in advance.

Reason 11 Why Royal Holiday Sucks

11) We’re shown a three-minute movie in a small screening room that shows lots of clips of places around the world. Wow.